I'm sorry

 Sorry for riding the bus

I won't do that again

I kept trying to sabotage our relationship, I kept stepping across the boundary but you never get mad

.................why why why

:( this is scary I dont like this

I felt less scared when I saw you super black face walking down from upper deck though...it felt familiar

f2 classmistress and f4 classmistress also put up a black face all the time (regardless of if I stalk or not)

it felt nostalgic and reassure me that they are not faking being nice to me

seems like this mindset would drive me away from genuine nice people and gravitate towards people with bad temper... or I would intentionally fuck around until genuinely nice people get angry

I mean, everyone I liked has gotten mad or tired of me or scolded me at some point... but just you not yet, it just felt off

I want to discuss this in person but I might forget what I wanna say, so I type here first

I think I like to provoke the person I am angry at to be angry, so they will initiate the argument, and then I will have an "excuse" to be angry back...

Also how do I scold people when I can't even speak swear words... (except for descriptive purposes)... I can only type...

Well, sorry for riding the bus, I was slightly curious about where you live and finally there was a day when I finally saw you guys at the bus stop. But I also don't understand why I deliberately followed up onto the upper deck, when I clearly know that if I was really determined to find out where you're going, I can stay at the lower deck, and then you'll get off the bus at the "correct" bus stop (because you might be exiting at a wrong bus stop if you know I am watching)(but that will freak you out even more though if you find out), and if I really meant it, I can get off too, and then I can possibly follow you in the MTR etc.

I didn't really understand why I want to show you I was stalking, this makes no sense

Maybe my objective isn't to find our where you live, maybe I just want to trigger you

and I kind of "gave" you the choice to fake out by exposing myself, but it was me who intruded your privacy

Back then I was still thinking I could just lie and say such a coincidence I was on this bus too, huh idk you were here, im on my way to find a friend; or I can just say the truth

Anyways I got off at Taikoo, I didn't follow you after you got off, if that makes you less worried

I also did not take photos of you when you are going down the stairs in the bus. (Because you looked super angry) (But you were very pretty that day). If it was back then in f2, I would've took pics (despite the person looking angry asf)... especially when I sat in such a perfect spot... hmm I was even more reckless back then

This also kind of fulfilled my teenage wish of stalking my teacher back home after school. I never had the chance to do it because I had to get back home at a fixed time back then.

I won't do it anymore :( Sorry

I think I also tend to transform my anger into guilt by doing unpleasant things on them and then I became guilty instead of angry

Sorry I am just terrible I shouldn't find excuses for stalking

Why you haven't scold me yet

I am giving you reasons to scold but i dont know what's going on

why are you so chill?????????????? why??????????????

:(((((((((( bro

sigh, also back then I was looking for where you were sitting, but I stepped on a fat dude's foot while taking my seat

I think he yelled, I wasn't sure

And then I sat

And I think I heard him telling me I stepped

So I apologised

and I think he was still kind of angry and yelling at me, something about saying sorry isnt enough?

I am not sure, because my earplugs noise cancelling too good this whole time

so I ignored him and spammed chat with ivan, I think ivan grew tired of me too

also kind of weird that I felt happy because someone is scolding me, because I felt like I deserve it because I am too awful

so yeah, maybe apologizing is not enough, but what else can I do (regarding this stalking event) (I'll stop physically stalking i guess). What else can you do (for misunderstanding what I said).

so I have no point getting angry

and it already happened, and the problem is probably solved

so there is no point

and I angered two people on one bus ride, idk if I am being successful or not

Terrible

fuck youuuu fuck meeeee this is shittttt aaaaaa I made it worse

dont comment aaaaaaa noooo

bye ill revise, no more diary for you😭😭 dont get closer