20251123

"Freedom" to die, and thrownness

 Browsed online for a bit on optimistic nihilism, absurdism and existentialism, in an attempt to answer the question from 30/5/2024 regarding freedom to suicide.

Came across this reddit post discussing about it. 

tldr: there is no absolute freedom and every decision is calculated.

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my question: if we are free to do anything, why not suicide?

the OP's: question: if life has no inherent meaning, why not suicide?

responses: 

  1. death is an exclusively reductive experience, but life is additive. If death is inevitable, might as well experience new stuff in life.
  2. unsure if death is the right option
  3. scared to commit suicide/ human nature of survival instincts
  4. risk of complications from failed attempt, (which are subjectively worse than death itself)
  5. social pressure (includes missing loved ones, not wanting to hurt close partners)
my counter-argument:
  1. actually whether an experience is reductive or not ceases meaning once you die and lost consciousness. So the opportunity costs of experiencing potential new stuff should not be taken into account, as it is purely a decision made in the moment/ at this snapshot of time. Or maybe you have FOMO (fear of missing out) -- which is under point 5 (social pressure).
  2. you never know an option is right or not unless you try it-- that's what they said. But you couldn't possible know either, you would be dead by then! And an attempt doesn't count because you are not dead.
  3. me rn
  4. me rn  -- though this puts us into the perspective that death is bad, instead of being a choice with neutral valence
  5. if we solely discuss on one's personal choice, once you die, you would not feel such social pressure. Since you would not be here to observe the aftermath, if any. Though it is a bit difficult to be apathetic in this tightly knitted society, unless you have ASPD or live alone in some secluded environment and have literally no social connections and your parents weren't here anymore. I would say it is human to feel such emotions (this doesn't make you less of a human if you are apathetic).

It is kind of like quantum mechanics where you are actually unsure what will happen unless you observe it directly. But you can't because you would have already died. So everything after death is subjectively based on assumptions and personal faith. Thus there is no definite reason, hence inconclusive.

If we were truly free in our thoughts and actions, when one's desire to suicide overcomes point 3-4 (human inherent instincts of self-preservation), one would probably commit.

Thinking of suicide isn't really the problem itself, as it is just a benign question one would eventually stumble upon if they think of it. (Some people might deny, but in my opinion simply reading this sentence and thinking you don't want to, is included in what I describe as "thinking" here)

But one's wish to suicide being cherry-picked and to be comparable with, or even overcoming the wish for any other thing in existence? It may be worthwhile to think about what is driving the wish to suicide.

Human's inherent instincts also include avoidance of pain- physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually (total pain theory). Decisions are just made by resolving to an option with the lowest total pain made by a balance between these four quadrants of pain (plus perhaps personal values).

So there is no absolute choice and freedom because we are still inherently bounded by our survival instincts. We are just coded this way, so suicide isn't really a question. It is just a calculated decision.

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Searched a bit on thrownness as well, as I thought it may be fitting. I once thought thrownness meant we have freedom in our choices and to deal with them moment-to-moment, but apparently not, and it made more sense.

As Google says about thrownness, "Your actions are always a response to the circumstances you were 'thrown' into."

"Our essential possibility is in our freedom to choose how to attend to our thrownness...Our being as possibility is shaped by the way we are with our thrownness." -- Heidegger (cited from this article)

Thrownness never said we have the freedom to choose what subsequent actions to do, it merely said we can change our outlook on our circumstances. (Though I feel it is a bit self-deceptive, but it is a discussion for another day.)

We are thrown into a trajectory anyways.

20251122

2 years!

 距離第一次見面已經670日了!(由24/11/2023起計)

670日無間斷想念,如果平均3日自慰一次,每次/日至少高潮3次,咁我就至少因為arthur而高潮670次!wow!

期間和arthur進行了69次session。平均7.5日見一次(沒想到其實真的很密和consistent)。如果撇除交流不在港的學期(約5.5月≈165日),=平均7.3日見一次!即每次見Arthur時我已高潮了快6次(至少)。

無用又帶一點惡趣味的數據分析。

今天又是希望Arthur多多想念我的一天。

根據過往數據,估計還有半年至一年的「迷戀期/瘋狂研究期」,之後興趣便會淡卻。不過這些資料有個confounder,就是兩年後皆因外界原因而自然地減少見面,也許這才是後來淡卻的原因。

另外不知為何,近日測出不一樣的MBTI。我不再是INFJ了,而是ENTP。但我還是覺得我是I人。也許是因為Ne Ni雙高,而Ne更勝一籌。好消息是這些cognitive functions的分數開始平均了點。每個功能都用得其所就最好了。


𝙋𝙤𝙥𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙧