Dear diary

 Dear diary,

I was a bit sad today.

This is the second day Mum tried to sit down and talk to me. But yesterday I was naiive to think that she had finally turn for the better, and today morning she scolded me with the same old script of me “not being mean enough to myself”. I am very disappointed.

I think I am already way too mean about myself. I tried to overwork despite being overwhelmed and my rest was overdue. I exerted 10000% of my effort. If I am meaner to myself, the only thing is to jump… honestly. It’s quite sad.

Anyways today at dinner she tried to ask me a lot of my “where I went what I ate what I did who did I meet” type of questions. I stayed silent again. She was pissed. She asked me why I am being so cold. I said if I said I don’t want to answer, you’ll scold me. To which she replied immediately, of course!! How come you are keeping secrets to the family! We are the only people you can trust.

And here comes her usual speech of me being more and more disobedient, as if I want to be independent. And if I don’t want to tell them everything, she can disown me and not give me anything.

It’s my first time hearing that latter part though. So I said, huh??

She said, if you dont respect me, I wouldn’t respect you too! And as a mum what can I do to disrespect my child? By disowning them!

Me was like, ??

But honestly though I was tired I don’t care if they disown me or not I just need money lol. Because they didn’t provide any actual useful stuff other than money and goods. So in that sense I just need free money because I have nothing else to lose. Maybe I can rent a space before the start of next year’s dorm if she really mean it. (She doesn’t. It’s just for me to hear)

Dad was in the bedroom watching youtube as always. Always oblivious to our discussions. He didn’t even know what’s going on.

Bruh.

Failed parenting.

And my failed academics.

Everything is a failure.

At least I have some nice friends… I’m not sure if we would still be close even if touchwood I retake the year though

This is just sad.

Tragedy.

What a sad day. But every day is a sad day. So it wasn’t as sad as I would have experienced. Growing accustomed to this infected wound, it doesn’t seem to be healing. Not with this environment.

Oh edit: im not really that upset by the disown part, but if they mentioned it after I get financially independent it would he nice. But I don’t think they will, because by then they would be blood sucking my finances instead haha🖕🏻