she said, i was looking up what is momonga's personality. (cuz I told her I liked it a while ago). I think she is trying to know more about me & my preferences)
I replied, very attention seeking, right??
she exclaimed, YES holy shit I hate it so much?? (asking why I like momonga)
I said, yeeees ik it's so annoying lmAO but it's actually quite 可憐 because actually another character replaced the real momonga, and they lack love so they kept finding other characters for attention, so basically the attention seeking one is fake momonga; and then the real momonga is actually in the wild and actually if it eat another character, it can magically return to the real "skin" and kick away the fake momonga, but it is too nice to eat so now the anime is stuck here and it is crying in the woods alone, didnt read manga so idk what will it do soon
she: too complicated I dont understand
me: tldr the current annoying momonga is not real, the real one is nicer lol, but anime not yet show the plot
anyways i felt a bit touched because she is trying to know and understand what i like haha
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also i dont really ask people for apologies because if they dont feel like apologising then there is no point to ask them to apologise because they dont mean to apologise
hahahaahahah
a bit disappointed about the last point though because i was waiting
because you kind of encouraged and accelerated my mindset of turning suicidal instead of simply not living
:p
but i guess you forgot what you said anyways
although you can reread one of the diary entry from long time ago when I was pretty angry
i dont want apology for other stuff, just this one :((
but if you dont want to it is fine
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maybe ill share what i like about each of my dolls/ characters one day hahahaha
show and tell
each session bring a different one
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blahaj texture is very nice i like it hahahahaha
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riolu is washed and dried and I got it back just now (noon?), turned out my dad tried to knock at my door yesterday night but I didn't reply, he asked me if I was wearing headphones around midnight, I said yeah, he said he knocked a couple of times to tell me my "patient" has arrived (aka riolu), bur I didn't answer, so he just let it be
regarding why I was a bit paranoid my dad knows what I am doing to riolu:
before the convo of my dad 語重心長地 tell me my riolu is very dirty, I was telling him I still have a few more clinical exams need to be practiced, but I can't do it at home. He asked what is it and he can help if he can. And I listed, Male genitalia examination! Per rectal examination! Female genitalia examination!
Hes like ohh these nooo *chuckles*
And then! He said you can do it on your doll *points at riolu which I put nearby to observe me practicing*
Me: lmaoo (actually kinda starting to get a bit 心虛lmaoo) how though? (i was genuinely thinking there is no bottom hole in the doll so I technically cant use, but I cant say that ah ma, and i reasoned with myself I can just role play and pretend there is a hole i guess <-- i didnt actually spoke any of these bracketed words)
and then that convo started
and then we dead air
and then we ended the dead air by him taking my riolu to the washing machine
so im pretytiuytiyy suruureeee heee kind of knows
bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im embarrassed
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black rain and they rescheduled our group practice from today (sat) to monday lmao, 8:30! then i need to wake up early like back in secondary school which starts at 800
oooo i kinda miss zoom lessons in covid era, I can just wake up at 759 and log in and then remain in bed or play ipad
LMAO i remembered this very scary zoom lesson, it was a whole form ethics talk thing, so there were like 200ish classmates and many teachers. I forsee it would be boring asf and they wont que us answer questions. So I was playing genshin impact on my laptop (I dont have an external monitor that time) (instead of looking down and using my ipad to play, which i usually did), and because I look very concentrated compared to the rest of the people (all people open cam), this one teacher which I liked her lessons a lot (and did very well in) (and answer questions frequently - I had to clarify, it's because no one else answers and people push me to answer on behalf of the group, plus I get stickers if I answer) (sorry lol it's liberal studies), she qued me to answer !!! holy shit but I wasn't listening AT ALL. I think the question goes like "after this brief introduction, can you share your opinions on [psychology?? ethics??] ? Let's ask... Emily Cheung!"
I was like holy shit wtf
first i pause my genshin, exit full screen, i swap back to my zoom page, and then I open mic
while I was not reaaally sure what her question is, like I heard it but I am not sure, plus I have no idea what they talked about in the introduction. all i know is this zoom is about psychology but the guest/ teachers are not talking about that at all and it was super boring
and I would not ask for a repeat of the question or else they know I was not listening, and even if they repeat, I dont know the content of the "brief introduction"
so i decided to take a gamble and answer some deep shit like ambiguous answers. something like "in my opinion different people have different answers to these, their interpretation are different based on what they have experienced, so there is no absolute answer."
And then they are like VERY GOOD!! *proceeds to elab on my insightful point* now lets invite someone else to answer: etc. etc." (im like rip i think the next person would be even more lost on the context) (luckily the next person knows what theyre talking about)
and then "lastly lets invite someone to summarise their answers for us!" (im like omggggg thats absolutely horrifying if they didnt pay attention) (but at this point i was back to my genshin already, i think that person stuttered, and there was some hiccups before she answered, so sad for her)💀💀💀💀
LMAO ok idk why I was sharing about this random story, but here you go
also Idk why I kept dreaming about secondary school people and cakes????????? esp birthday cakes?????
i mean I had a cake at ivan-970-3day-3day girlfriend gang
and I had another cake I shared with other bday stars in new pbl
so I had two already
and then I had hotpot with secondary school squad (I think I should name my squad so it is easier to remember, our official name is "6 grass") (lmao)
and my mum gave me apple watch for birthday
though bday day I ate alone, if I remember correctly? I forgot what I ate, but I remembered a rather intense loneliness that night but I wasn't going home so I dine out alone
idk why?? but I have a lot of celebrations already?? but it kept appearing in my dreams??? like three times??
(though i was thinking i want to buy a cake to celebrate and eat if I pass my exams lol, and i was scrolling ig for pretty tiny cakes) (maybe that's why im having the dreams idk haha) (but the dream ones are specifically birthday cakes with burning candles, and in the dream I perceive clearly that these are for birthdays. not simply ordinary cakes)
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mum saw my heels are injured
actually was last friday (not yesterday) when i was wearing the punk shoes and it was quite painful to walk so I had to walk slowly to and from therapy lol
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also another dream
hahahah too bad you have too many dreams to read in addition to my diary, idk if you regret asking me to make dream diary lmfao
well for me it is pretty fun because i wanted to make one since i was small but I didn't do so because I don't have enough motivation despite the dreams being way more entertaining than current ones
because there's no audience and im scared to post in my private. like i had this dream of "hkumed office being a suicidal Dumbo flying elephant theme park machine, killing every person who rode on the machine" during post DSE summer waiting for admission? and generally these dreams are frowned upon so I was kind of reluctant to share with them
I can paste some of my past dreams which I wrote before back into the dream log soon, feel free to read or not if it is not relevant. I wanna make my dream log more "complete" anyways
--
also i got a user "hi"ing me on the L (the lesbian app) holy shit im scared im gonna ghost them
bro my pfp is literally just a doll momonga i didnt show my face
they didn't either so i will ignore them
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