surprise

 huh

today pbl last session!!! last time the pbl tutor told us this time there would be two additional observers joining us, just to assess her performance as a tutor.

today unfortunately i was late (bruh) (5 minutes) (luckily another girl also late and we entered the room at the same time). I knocked door and enter and "sorry", and after I sat down, to my pleasant (or unpleasant) (idk how to feel about this) surprise, BRO, my academic advisor was sitting at the corner of the room, bro she was one of the observers BORIOJOIRJFSDFHPKFDH hUH what a coincidence ??? LMao ok so I was a bit nervous LOL

yeah so during the pbl i kept looking at her but she just didnt look at me. when I wasn't looking, I felt she was looking at me. LMAO

ok and finally 1-to-1 evaluation session where our tutor gives mark, i was pretty nervous cuz the observers are still inside lol, and then later the other observer left. my academic advisor was still sitting inside. but when the tutor said it's my turn, my academic advisor left. thhhhhhhhhaaaaaaankkkkkkkkk uu

aaaaaaa ok so i got 88888 again, identical to last time. which is way better than that 67667 or something

(though other also pretty quiet girls got one 9 or two 9s... aaaa but anyways i have no 6 or 7 so it is ok very good already (i barely talked)) (I still don't get why my introverted level 90%+ friend can talk more than me, I am just 83% (well last year was 70 something), and I remembered her DSE SBA class presentation is super well done and she got full mark; I asked her before and she said she treated people as trees so that she can talk) (I cant lol)

and the super active boys in the group were a bit (well, very) unsatisfied with their 99999. (i think is because one of the quiet girls said she got one 9 happily)

while the tutor was still inside evaluating other students, the three boys were talking about how the tutor was strict towards them and was unfair, and gave us people higher marks and we dont deserve it lol, and they wanted to complain to the office if the tutor doesnt readjust their marks

and when the tutor finished with all students, the three tall boys just kind of stood in front of the door and asked her politely (though I think this is tense af, the tutor is a medium-short height female like me lol) about their marks

Broooooooooooo i think it's because they got too many 10s before and that time when i got 67667 they marked themselves as 1010101010 or something, so theyre getting greedy (that time actually the tutor allowed us to circle our own marks but I didnt, so he circled so low for me, which is kind of my fault) (today I ate lunch with some quiet groupmates and they said i need to be bold when these opportunities land, they circled themselves as 8) (maybe im just a bit stupid for giving up the chance lol ashdflkfsj but I actually didn't do that well, oh man I shouldve circled some 7s and that way the tutor cant give me 6)

bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lol like i think they deserve some 10s but not like this bro

lolll they jealous

I hope I don't get my marks downgraded, I need some marks to pull my terrible PBL

hmm also the girl that was equally late as me seemed to be crying after eval, nobody notices/ I pretend i didnt see it. (well if I were her I wouldnt want to draw attention to myself as well, if I have to count, out of 7 blocks in these two years I cried in 3 of the blocks LMAO so I am experienced) Shes equally quiet as me lol she also only talks once per tutorial (I think I talked less because I have a habit of not being the least talkative person, and this group this girl is reeeeallly quiet so I am reeeallly quiet too)

asdhksjfhdskjflhdf and also I think I cannot revise all the stuff for exam, I forgot everything in sem 1, I need to relearn all which is impossible, I can only pick some to learn, and my brain and energy quota per day is limited, so I need to be specific

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa but seems like a lot of people are saying the same (i think im the worst cuz i actually couldnt learn a single thing back then, idk how i managed to retain 40% for the exam (ik its a bad fail but imo it's a lot already) (like there's this fricking plastic wrap around my brain and the words just couldnt enter and get absorbed lmfao)

I slept more! Doesn't really work. It just maintains my health but doesn't improve my brain. And I just waste my time sleeping and not revising.

I have a lot to catch up since every word is distant to me, haha... I must not fail because I don't want to reexperience this year and the anatomy practicals again.

I deliberately skipped watching a few lectures, but today coincidentally my friend brought up she heard particularly content from those few lectures will be one of the key focus in the exam, cuz they analysed the pastpaper question patterns. Seems like I have to watch them sjkfdshfsdfj

dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

I realised some sample questions are deviations from cases in practicals so I technically couldnt skip revising any lecture nor practicals, gah

oh yeah and my academic advisor sent an email wishing me a superpass around 2 weeks ago lol, yeah, but idkhasdjkshhahahahah I didn't perform so well in PBL, I hope she's not upset or disappointed

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also day before yesterday's last anat session, we had a mini ceremony putting a cloth with good words on the body. and i wanted to change my gloves before the ceremony because they were dirty and I found out they were broken. But I didn't change it in time. And they did the ceremony, so I didn't put my corner of the cloth properly and it was supposed to be solemn but i was just eeek slight panicking

so i felt a bit guilty for the body teacher

and then i prayed for his forgiveness while i was showering today morning,, :PPPPPPPP

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i figured out writing diary is relaxing, so ill take my break by writing diary. Now I'll go back to work?

hmmm

ok i think starting from next session i need to stop sharing these because this is wasting a lot of time and we have a lot of "I think we need to talk about this" and "interesting let me know more" and dream diary things

I started to hypothesize ivan is scared of me because he doesnt look comfortable whenever I shared my stuff, and he ignored my goodbye today, but then I remembered we literally rode the shuttle bus together and chatted two days ago, so it was ok, and he was suggesting you added the sofa thing so that I wont see you wanting to cry LOL aaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha ahahahahaahhaahahahahaha ahahahahahah

so cute

hahahahahahahahahahaahah

ehheeheheheheehehehe

please continue

hahshahahahahaa i dont want to see u sad though

ahahahahahahah

hmm, I hope I am not famous within wellness team. This is a bit embarrassing, but 

forget about it im not going to share lol

yahooooo

seems i have a lot of support but I spend my time fangirling hahaahah ashkfhdsg

I think this is similar to how people shouldnt date in high school before an exam

i think it wasn't affecting me in secondary school despite I like the teachers a lot because i have no opportunity to get closer to them and they dont give shit lol

anyways ive been looking outside learning commons for like 20 minutes now and theres no sign of any of you guys and the girl at the table by the window is starting to notice why I kept looking outside so I should stop now lol

hmmmmmasdjksafdsfhkdsflh hope you guys arent scared hahaha